the day I learned what grief is
that bone-deep agony
every part of my body aching and throbbing with pain
my mind a keening wail of misery
that moment of remembering, upon waking
the incontrovertible fact
that I’ll never again
look into those eyes
hear that voice
feel those arms around me
hear those familiar steps
and just as I was emerging from
that dark pit
where no light could reach me
I was plunged in again
even deeper than before
for a while, all I could do
in my dreams
was to float in a place of gray mist
shrouded by fog
as if wrapped in cotton wool
neither thinking, hearing, seeing, nor feeling
I had to drag myself back
back into life
back into pain
written 2016-05-11
about April 17, 2009
